“little girl”

Sometimes. You grow out of the things you've made. By sometimes, I mean — you do. Or rather, you grow through the things you've made.

"Every poem, regardless of its merits, re-enacts the birth of self." - Maurya Simon

I wrote this poem years ago. When I read it, speak it, and hear it — I no longer recognize the person that wrote it. I thought to myself. Is this worth telling again? I often feel disconnected from my old writing. Especially as a genderqueer artist.

But, on my 24th birthday, I decided to shave my head. I wanted to chop off my curls. My first muses. My most defining and traditionally "feminine" physical feature. To see what would happen. How I would feel.

Sometimes we grow out of the things we make. Sometimes we grow through them. Sometimes we don't recognize our stories as our own anymore. Sometimes we need to say goodbye to those things we've made. That we feel we've outgrown. And sometimes. They give us a much-needed kick on the way out. I think what I've learned is--we may not need them anymore. But, maybe someone else might? It's worth it.

If every poem "re-enacts the birth of self". Then this poem has given me life twice.

— xoxoxoO'Malley

***We recorded and filmed in April. In honor of sexual assault awareness month. Virtual Tips and Donations can be made to House of Ruth Maryland